DanLog the ramblings of Daniel Pettit

Lauren asked me what I thought about what’s going on in the world here is my reply:

As far as the nation goes the financial markets are suffering from a lack of confidence. The root cause is from bad mortgages which in number are few, its like one bad apple spoiling the barrel. Confidence is a foundational block of capitalism, without it we could see a depression. As I just wrote that I pictured a replay of the 1930s and 1940s. A worldwide financial collapse followed by a global war. Russia is puffing up their chest, Iran is barreling down the road to a nuke and China is arming up like there is no tomorrow. All we need is to elect the appeaser Obama to cinch an increase of global violence.

Congress needs to act very soon with some bailout plan or it might be too late. If this snowball gathers too much momentum it will become too large for the government to stop. The administration has already gone to extreme lengths to stabilize the financial system, but contrary to what liberals believe the government is not all powerful, it is not God.

I’ve always had problem imaging how America could ever get to a point of desperation that we would subject ourselves to a foreign power i.e. the anti-Christ. That was until just now when I realized that I never imagined that our financial system could crumble, that is the missing ingredient. We can not be defeated militarily by an outside force, but we could crumble from within. Now with 50 years of the liberal agenda wearing down the faith, courage and personal responsibility of Americans, I can see how that could be possible.

All this kind of makes me wonder about something I think I heard Greg Laurie say. That the end times will start once the last person, that is going to be saved, is saved. Well I didn’t get that distinction however, I’m getting the feeling that my name came in the last chapter and might have been on the last page.

While I do believe we should be prepared or at least aware of the possibilities, I don’t think these are the end times. When I see the power of God working in my life and others, the giving enthusiasm and faith of the younger generation at my church flourishing in materialistic OC, I think there is much left to be done. I also am hopeful that middle America will still stand tall for God and country. I think that Obama being basically even with McCain at this point in the election, despite Obama being the wet dream liberal messiah who gets 24/7 free praise and adulation from the media is telling that God has not left the building just yet.

Tonight’s focus was for families-marriages, parents, and kids. Families kids and all were invited. The place was completely packed.

Being the get there early kind of guy I am, I managed to get the same prime seat I had last night. An older man John sat next to me. He was with his Life Group most of which were much younger than him. A member of his group was the man that prayed for me Monday night They all took seats on the floor in front of us. If John had managed to get down on the floor there was no way he’d be getting up. Each time we had to stand or return to our seats was a bit of a strain for him.

Anyway I recognized him as an usher from the Sunday 9AM service. We chatted a bit about how long we’d been going to RH. He told me about his struggles with social anxiety. He said he was very nervous being in front of the congregation when he got baptized at RH. Once he was up front he decided to force himself to make it a growing experience, by looking directly at the faces in the crowd. Instead of fear he just was washed with a feeling of acceptance and love. You still won’t be seeing him give any speeches to the church, I can identify with that. In fact we commiserated on social anxiety. We both go to the Catalyst prayer meetings, though I only remember seeing him once and now that I think about it I over heard him that night saying that he was there to grow his skills and get more comfortable praying for others, since as an usher he periodically gets people asking him for prayer (I guess they see a tag around his neck and don’t actually read what it says. He then told me about how good he felt after this man had opened up his broken heart to him and he had prayed for him. So if someone asks for prayer he doesn’t chicken out and direct them to a prayer team member. He also told me of one time at Catalyst when it was time for the individual small group prayer his subject was praying for the RH worship team and leaders, interestingly enough Todd Proctor was in his group who happens to be our Head Pastor and worship leader. I guess I’d be intimidated with a pastor in my group. I said I’ve never noticed the worship team participating in prayer at Catalyst, John said it was just a one time thing - lucky John.

We worshiped for oh 30 minutes then they had all the families with children stand, and that the rest of us circle around them and lay hands on the head of the household as they prayed outloud for there children. I surveyed my area and made a beeline for the man that had prayed for me Monday and laid a hand on his shoulder. He prayed an all encompassing, loving and compassionate prayer for his teenage daughter, it seemed to go on for 5 minutes but time is hard to judge. I was thinking how much I’d like to do that some day for my child.

The families with very small children were given “permission” to call it a night at this point. We worshiped some more then Roger the leader of the Marriage Ministry spoke about the next set of prayers. We broke into groups of four tonight for prayer and did two rounds. My group was the four chairs in a row and they had the chairs connected so we had to stay in a line. I ended up going last as i was on the end or I would have had to go first, which I thought wouldn’t be the end of the world as no one was jumping up to volunteer at first. My two subjects were to pray for the Children’s ministry at RH and then for the Marriage ministry. I actually had no problem with either subject and actually was more verbose that the other two men in the group. The woman in our group was the strongest prayer and I think Joey and I each had a third and second place finish. Not that it is a contest or that there is a bad or wrong way to pray. It’s just that in my mind for the first time I wasn’t the tongue tied beginner of the group. Will wonders never cease, apparently not tonight as my spiritual awakening continued.

A few more worship songs then Roger had all the married couples come in front of the stage, then he added even those that their spouse is not present. Okay that’s me. He had the couples pray for each other. So I got to pray to my absent wife make that very absent wife. while this was going on. The singles were standing behind the group praying as well. I head back to my seat and we do a few more worship songs.

Now they had those with pain, abuse unresolved issues with there parents, childhood anything they need to confess to to release to God, come up front. Then the rest of use would lay hands on those individuals and pray for them. Now laying of hands and praying is out of my league at the moment, I have no problem joining in with the laying of hands. My “group” had one main man prying for two men. I had a hand on the prayer and another man next to me as I couldn’t reach a prayie. I’m used to the “chaining” from my Catalyst meetings. Sometimes we have a 10 or more to 1 prayer prayie ratio. Todd called a prayer cocoon on a particularly out of balance night. This went on for way over 5 minutes and the man never paused in his prayers. Back to my seat.

More worship. I was thinking to myself that maybe I should head out to “the box” where they were doing nothing but one on one prayer, I was really hoping to find Roger and receive from him. Then they announced all available female prayer team members to go to the box. Apparently the last subject really hit some woundedness in the crowd. Well too crowded in The Box for my likings. I’ll see where the rest of the night leads me.

Then Pastor Mike made one last call to come up front for prayer, He had a laundry list of things and loneliness was an engraved invitation for me. I had so many hands on me that I had to make an effort, a minor effort but an effort nevertheless the counteract the force so I wouldn’t end up falling onto the stage. One man with Spanish accent as in Spain was my lead prayer. Another man prayed toward the middle as well as one woman behind me, I could barely hear her but what I did hear was reading my main so to speak. .Three voices were going at one point but who knows how many I couldn’t hear. A few hands came and went but it was pretty much a complete covering for more than 5 minutes. It was just a joyous out pouring of brotherly and sisterly love. I should hands with the two men that I did hear on of which wanted a hug. I didn’t get the chance to see who the woman was. That pretty much filled up my human love tank for the night.

We began worship again. I made my way from the front of the stage back to an open area of the open floor space so I could the screen and not be so packed in as to subject any one’s ears to my singing directly behind them. The total crowd was down to maybe a fourth of the start so we had some breathing room in the open area. The worship went for quite a while and the songs were really good ones for me. It was an extended time of top of my voice praising with arms high and lifted. For the sake of my brothers and sisters I hope I’m not terribly out of key. These last two nights on some of these songs as I get more uplifted and the band increases the volume my voice really just starts cracking like puberty. I think it’s because quite frankly I’ve never sung until this year (Elementary school Christmas shows excluded) and simply don’t know how. I naturally sing in too high a key for my voice. When my voice does crack I find it quite amusing and actually have to laugh. I then have to focus on singing much lower which has it’s problems to as again I don’t know what I’m doing and the range is really limited when I go down. I do think that it might actually not sound half bad. Sounds great in the bathroom. At this point the crowd is very “into” it.

Pastor Mike then comes up on stage while Pastor Todd is speaking while transitioning to another song. I didn’t catch exactly what he said to Mike but is was something like if you aren’t going to lead the next song then sit down it’s not your turn yet. The crowd was egging him on but Mike sat down. BTW Mike doesn’t sing. They then did two songs in a row that got those inclined to dance dancing, , which maybe half of those left. I of course didn’t dance as there wasn’t a keg in sight. At this point it was just a party Celebrating God with shouting, clapping and dancing. I really don’t feel the calling to clap, there are several songs that the worship team plays where the congregation claps along but I don’t join in. I did once but it just wasn’t natural. During the last song of the night I did find myself clapping, enthusiastically at that, even had a leg moving a bit but those feet were firmly velcroed to the floor. Though I do believe that another 15 minutes at this intensity I might have actually danced a bit. I’m surprised I can still speak, I wonder what two more days of this will do.

Finally Pastor Mike got his chance and he again was being heckled to sing a song. They broke his concentration and he said come on guys I’m trying to have a serious moment. He then spoke about what we will be praying for tomorrow night and the first item was to pray for the six fingered man on the banner in the back of the room. So much for Mike’s serious moment. The crowd laughed as we all turned to look at the banner that had been made for this week. I don’t think anyone had noticed that the silhouette of a man laying down had six fingers. He then got back on focus and informed us of Thursday night and thanked us and then said “get out”.

As I was leaving I spotted Roger but he was making a beeline for the exit as if his pants were on fire, so prayer from him was out of the question. For a second I thought about going to The Box for prayer but I really felt no need, if anything it might bring me down from this high so I headed out to car still absorbing the evening. I then thought about how in different circumstances this night could have been unfathomably joyous if Lauren had been here to share. The last twenty minutes of worship would have been heaven on Earth to her having free reign to dance in the huge open area of RH’s main sanctuary. Of course that would have been a tall order even if we were together at the moment with her headaches. That will have to be a prayer for the future.

So I broke my whole 43 hour fast this morning, wasn’t hungry and had some thoughts of continuing till dinner time but remembered how I felt working yesterday afternoon and decided I don’t need to stress out the bod anymore. I’ll say one thing my morning lemonade has never been so flavorful. In fact the last time I had such a refreshing glass of lemonade was sometime around 1994, Tony Hein and I had been working on some project or something I can’t remember. I just recall filling a couple Big Gulp cups for the both of us on a hot afternoon in my garage.

So I got there early so I would not only get a seat but a good one, a front row end seat. I really wasn’t loving sitting on the floor last night. So I had some “alone” time to contemplate. I can’t say that anything came to mind other than I am no longer obsessing over what I’m going have for breakfast anymore, no hunger thoughts at all actually.

Started off again with 30 or more minutes of excellent worship. A leader of the Refuge ministry spoke for awhile and directed the small group prayer session. He spoke of the slave trade worldwide and in the U.S. There are an estimated 17,000 women annually brought into the U.S. sex industry. He also spoke of the number of foster kids, and about children living in poverty locally and globally.

So we broke into groups of four. We stood for our prayers. My first prayer topic was about materialism/greed locally, basically to pray against “The OC Motto”. I had no problem with this topic, among other things I remembered as speaker earlier this summer at one of the RH services speaking about one ministry or maybe it was a town/region goal. That goal was for every one to have at least two shirts. That is a sobering image that a community would strive to own two shirts. So I prayed about RH members and our community to step back from keeping up with the Joneses, to think do I really need that 65th shirt or skirt? Maybe I’ll donate that money instead. So that we would be more aware of just how blessed we are and that we can contribute without even making a real sacrifice, but that that first move would lead to more generosity and a continued growth of that way of thinking. I also felt convicted by my own prayers as I had just bought like five Spooners for myself [They were from estate sales on Ebay so it was really less than just one new one, if I might try to defend myself here].

My second prayer topic was for the slave trade. Getting that topic was a relief as I have thought about it after recently seeing the movie “TRADE” which was about sex slaves in America so I had plenty of material to pray about. The other three people had more specific topics like just for foster kids in need or kids in poverty/homeless. The prayer leader also said to personalize our prayers if we had/knew of someone in that particular boat. While he was speaking I was thinking that I have no personal connection to anyone of that sort. Doesn’t mean I didn’t care just couldn’t make that personal connection. The other three people actually did have very personal and intimate knowledge and feelings for children at risk. Two of the group had been on missionary trips to Panama and Brazil. So they very powerfully personalized the end of their prayers. We all had powerful prayers there wasn’t a mediocre one in the bunch and for the first time I had much more to pray than the time allowed. There wasn’t a dry eye in my group by the time we were finished.

Pastor Mike took the mic at this point to make a confession. He said that as we were asked to pray for slaves in particular, he had no feeling, no connection to those people and found it hard to pray for something so removed. He began his “confession” with a very bluntly he said, “I don’t care”. The bluntness was a bit shocking, I was thinks well I do care. But in reality I don’t think I care more at least significantly more than Mike. The topic was fresh in my mind and after watching that movie I did have some anger maybe even rage against the perpetrators of such evil, but have I actually done anything? No - oh wait a minute that is not true well not entirely true. I have in the past, just not this year yet, given to Children of the Night a rescue shelter for child prostitutes.

I think Mike is pretty typical of most of us, sure we can get upset or saddened over the plight of one group or another but without direct or personal contact to the issue we just stay on the sideline. Maybe cut a check now and again but just feel too detached or helpless in the feeling of what can I do, what difference could I make it’s just too big for me.

Then the entire gathering prayed together. Worship continued and I’m pretty sure there was a call for individual prayer up front along the lines of tonight’s topics. I just immersed myself in the worship for the remainder of the evening.

After they ended the meeting at 10:30, I went over to the Box to get some individual prayer as there wasn’t an appropriate time during the service. There were just a handful of people in there. I was greeted by a familiar face, he remembered me as well. I couldn’t exactly place him at first. I figured he had prayed for me at one of the previous Catalysts. After he was speaking to me awhile I put two and two together and remembered that he, Greg was the man that was instructing the young man that had just received his first prophetic word that night, which happened to be for me. I hung around to get Greg’s explanation of what was to come for this young man. Anyway Greg spoke at length about how Jesus is and will work in my life and that he too had gone through a divorce. He ended by praying over me. There was some “preaching to the choir” but it was never the less reassuring to have some say those things to me directly.

No torrents of tears tonight other than a bit for the children, just a nice warm and fuzzy evening with my RH brothers and sisters.

Okay so it’s Tuesday evening and I’ve been fasting now for 27 hours give or take. I was a bit lightheaded working in the heat of Anaheim this afternoon and I’m sure a bit grumpy, fortunately I was working alone.

The point of fasting was to clear my mind of distractions so that I can focus and connect better with God through prayer. Well it isn’t working for me. Hunger hasn’t cleared my mind of distractions it has become the distraction. So unless becoming one with my hunger was the goal this isn’t going to work this time. The only thing I can focus on is what I’m going to have for breakfast tomorrow morning. I’m getting spiritually closer to Homer J. Simpson than Jesus.

I arrived around 7:20PM so the worship had probably been going for ten minutes or so as RH time seems to run 10 minutes late. I don’t like being late and have never joined in progress, but tonight there was no keeping me from worshiping. As I entered in the rear entrance I saw that The Centre was absolutely packed, more that I’ve seen it. The room was dimly lit, the crowd deep in worship, the bass pounding away. There was a palpable inviting, comforting warmth in the air and that had nothing to do with the HVAC. I walked along the back wall over to the left side wall and found a spot beside a couch where I could drop of my stuff and had a spot to stand. I immediately joined in the worship.

That was the exact spot in the universe that I needed to be at that moment. The worship continued for a solid 30 to 45 minutes. I knew every song, they were playing my “hit list”. In short order my sorrow-butterflies had left the building. My emotions were back on an even keel and were then transformed to the safe, warm, loving embrace of the Lord. Tears of joy and release cascaded off my face for most of the worship. It was a happy grieving. God was continually exchanging the grief of my “losing” my wife with the his love and acceptance. It was a great and cathartic experience, topped only by my experience at my first Catalyst meeting. I’ve been longing for an extended worship and tonight fit the bill.

The worship segment ended and we were asked to sit, at this point I saw why the place seemed so packed it was, ha ha. While true my actual realization was that they had removed all but a few rows of chairs around the outside perimeter of the room. The entire area in front of the stage was open. Pastor Todd spoke a while and prayed. Then Becky T spoke awhile about prayer and included a snippet of her testimony, she is such a high energy person. She shared how she writes out her prayers and has not missed one day of her hour praying in 30 years?

We then broke into groups of four and did the traditional “each person gets a topic” prayer routine that I’m all so familiar with from Catalyst. Tonight’s topic was praying for the state of our nation, the election, the economy and our finances. I can’t remember what I was supposed to pray for [I’m actually blogging ten days later] but I do know that it wasn’t difficult for me. I’m actually getting fairly comfortable doing this.

We worshipped some more and then they had a general call for those in need of prayer to come to the front of the stage. I went forward and man [Lance or something like that?] prayed over me for reconciliation and guidance for my new walk. It was good, heartfelt and comforting. We then began worship again. A good portion of the people had gone home by now. We were at maybe 20% now. I ended up standing in the middle rear of the people left that were worshiping. Again I was deeply connected with my arms held high. I’d never felt the need to lift my arms so high as tonight. I don’t really know why, might be a sliver of my selfconsciousness holding on, well whatever it was it is gone now. If the spirit so moves me, this is me now.

They brought the worship to a close, thanked us and prayed one more time. I headed home floating on a cloud. There was no doubt that I would be back every night this week. I also realized that I didn’t get dinner so I figured I might as well make a real fast of it in addition to TV and Ice Cream for the week. At least until Wednesday morning, we’ll see how that goes.

So we had to go back for another meeting with our mediator because I made so many changes, corrections and clarifications to the first draft of our judgement. I haven’t seen my wife in three months so I did have just a sliver of hope that today just might be the start, a hint of a change in direction of her feelings. Well other than her complimenting my on my new glasses, there was no glimmer of hope, only darkening storm clouds. From the beginning there was a definite harder attitude on her part.

It was a long and frustrating three hours. The frustration was mainly trying to get my points across to the mediator. I don’t know what the issue but I found myself continually having to go back and cover the basic premise that we are splitting the $$$ 50/50. At one point Lauren and I got into it a bit. She pushed a button I wasn’t able to turn off. No screaming, chair throwing or any other Springerisums just some bickering, which was the last thing that I wanted. I apologized for my less than Christlike behavior the next day.

So we finally managed to bring the meeting to a conclusion. Overall just a couple minor concessions on my part, we ended up very close to where we started, I just hope the next draft of the judgment accurately reflects tonight’s work.

By the end I was shivering, my bladder was about to explode and my stomach was full of flesh eating butterflies. The shivering was I think 50% air conditioning and 50% nerves, the bladder was well I had to go OK and the butterflies was from how even more hardened Lauren’s heart was toward me.

So leaving I was definitely in a watch Independence Day and eat a half-gallon of ice cream emotional state or just roll up into a ball. I didn’t do either. I went home to get my jacket and immediately left to go to the 7pm service at RockHarbor. Do not pass Go, do not eat dinner.

Made my second visit today. The worship was better than last time, they played a couple songs I could follow pretty well and two that I actually knew, though one was still a struggle as the tempo was way different.

The sermon today was about forgiveness. He said there are three elements.

Forgiveness: Unforgiveness is Toxic. We must forgive all the time, no exception.

Reconciliation: We are required to try, but not to succeed.

Trust: This is up to the other person. They must prove worthy of trust with their actions.

He quote of a definition of forgiveness- “Letting go of an alternative hopeful past.”

For me the topic was well, right on topic.

We all received a card with the bulletin this morning which Pastor Hous asked us to write down the name of someone we need to forgive and to then come up front and pin that card to bulletin board they had erected. The first person that came to mind I really didn’t think I needed to forgive, they had asked me if I had any anger toward them and I don’t think so, at least not anymore significant than the guy that cut me off on the freeway the other day. I think it was just that I had already searched my soul so to speak on that person that they came to mind. That led me instantly to the second name. The deal with this person is complicated, I’ve only met them once my anger for this person is more theoretical at this point but it is there and really the only person I can think of that I feel has harmed me and I haven’t already forgiven. So it was an easy choice to pick the person. It won’t be so easy to continually renew and refresh that forgiveness.

After the service I got a chance to speak with Luthor the Shepherding Pastor. He asked how I found out about Robinwood. I said I was Lauren’s husband. He definitely remembered Lauren so I felt a bit of a connection to him. He said that he was sorry when she left Robinwood. I also mentioned that coincidentally I’d been to this building before. I gave him a brief explanation of that and how it led Lauren to finding Robinwood in the first place. Luthor said that he has a few members that are having lets say mixed feelings being in this building as they had some bad experiences and the previous church occupants.

We spoke for quite a while and then he prayed for me. He’s a very pleasant man, his manner kind of reminds me of my neighbor Marty. Anyway it was a nice change of pace speaking to someone that some sort of connection

Funny side note: Pastor Hous related a story of how he had wandered (he had no authorization) backstage and made it into the Green Room of a Billy Graham event. So he finds himself sitting next to Mrs Graham. He describes her as this Southern Belle of perfect grace and manners. As the people are carrying on the conversation among themselves, Hous included, she turns to him and asks in that “sweet, butter won’t melt in my mouth” kind of way “and who exactly are you?”

So I went to the Saturday night service tonight. I was not as early as last time so I ended up sitting closer to where I normally sit. Pastor Mike was back. The subject at hand is what God has in store for our church for the next year as they kind of recognize the school year as their year. With the beginning of a new year they decided to try something new a week of pursuing God through prayer, fasting, worshipping Him, and waiting expectantly. A week to release our lives, our hopes and our plans.

From 6AM Monday to 1PM on Friday the church will be open 17 hours a day for people to come pray or seek prayer on their time in the Centre and the Box. Each day at 6AM 12PM and 7PM there will be an organized prayer service with worship in the Centre. Each day will have a different prayer focus.

Mike discussed fasting a bit, and said that it didn’t necessarily have to be from food. It could be the Internet, television and on. Then he said, “So fire up the Tivo this week….and catch up next week.” Which brought some laughter. Thinking about fasting as a sacrifice, I decided I’d forgo watching 24 and eating Ice Cream for the week particularly since I don’t have much spare baggage these days. I also thought that I’d try to make it to each evening service.